Group 4: Tales and Jokes

Utah State University Student Folklore Genre Collection

Introduction

Please cite this collection in the following manner:

Historical Note

The USU Student Folklore Genre Collection consists of folklore items collected by undergraduate students in Utah State University folklore classes from the early 1960s to the present and by undergraduate students in Brigham Young University folklore and anthropology courses during 1960 to 1978. The items are arranged by themes. The collection continues to grow. Click for complete USU Student Genre Collection history.

Provenance

The items in the Student Folklore Genre Collection were collected by USU and BYU students in folklore and anthropology classes as part of course requirements and deposited in the Fife Folklore Archives by the instructor. Duplicates of BYU student items are housed at BYU’s William A. Wilson Folklore Archives. The materials in Group 4: Tales and Jokes cover the period from approximately 1969 to the present. The collection was created in 1978 by William A. Wilson and Barbara [Garrett] [Walker] Lloyd.

Scope and Content

The USU Student Folklore Genre Collection: Group 4: Tales and Jokes consists of approximately 1,200 individual items of tales and jokes collected by undergraduate students. Most items include informant, context, text (the folklore item), texture (stylistic notation), and collector data. The materials reflect both insider (esoteric) and outsider (exoteric) views of a folk group and may be prejudiced or stereotyped. Click here for collection disclaimer. The collection is part of a larger student genre collection that is separated into ten distinctive categories. The materials do NOT circulate. Major breakdowns include:

Animal and Object Tales
Folktales
Jokes
Formula Tales
Tall Tales

Inventory

Box 1

1. Animal and Object Tales

1.1. Wild Animals (Folder 1)
1.2. Domestic Animals (Folder 2)
1.3. Fish and Fowl
1.4. Insects
1.0. Miscellaneous

2. Folktales

2.1. Magic and Supernatural

2.1.1. People (Folder 3)
2.1.2. Objects and Animals (Folder 4)

2.2. Religious (Folder 5)
2.3. Novell

3. Jokes and Anecdotes

3.1. Ethnic/Group

3.1.1. African American (Folders 6-7)
3.1.2. Pollack (Folders 8-10)

Box 2

3.1.3. Jewish (Folder 1)
3.1.4. Irish (Folder 2)
3.1.5. Italian (Folder 3)
3.1.6. Mexican (Folder 4)
3.1.7. Texan (Folder 5)
3.1.8. American Indian (Folder 6)
3.1.9. Colleges and Schools (Folders 7-8)
3.1.10. Arab (Folder 9)
3.1.11. Hunters (Folder 10)
3.1.0. Miscellaneous (Folder 11)

Box 3

3.2. Religious Jokes and Anecdotes

3.2.1. Combinations of Two Religions (Folder 1)
3.2.2. Combinations of Three or More Religions (Folder 2)
3.2.3. LDS Jokes (Folders 3-6)
3.2.4 Catholic Jokes (Folder 7)
3.2.5. Baptist Jokes (Folder 8)
3.2.0. Miscellaneous (Folder 9)

Box 4

3.3. Courtship, Marriage and Family

3.3.1. Courtship (Folder 1)
3.3.2. Marriage and Couples (Folder 2)
3.3.3. Children (Folder 3)

3.4. Occupational

3.4.1. Medical (Folder 4)
3.4.2. Psychology (Folder 5)
3.4.3. Military (Folder 6)
3.4.4. Teaching (Folder 7)
3.4.0. Miscellaneous (Folder 8)

3.5. Scatological

3.5.1. Sexual (Folder 9)
3.5.2. Bodily Functions (Folder 10)
3.5.0. Miscellaneous (Folder 11)

3.6. Political Jokes and Anecdotes

3.6.1. Personalities (Folder 12)
3.6.2. Events (Folder 13)

3.7. Cruel and Sick Jokes

3.7.1. Murder/Suicide of Relative or Friend (Folder 14)
3.7.2. Mutilation (Folder 15)
3.7.3. Cannibalism (Folder 16)
3.7.4. Corpses (Folder 17)
3.7.5. Beasts (Folder 18)
3.7.6. Excrement
3.7.7. Indifference to Young (Folder 19)
3.7.8. Affliction or Disease (Folder 20)
3.7.0. Miscellaneous (Folder 21)

Box 5

3.8. Word Plays and Puns

3.8.1. Shaggy Dog Stories (Folders 1-2)
3.8.0. Miscellaneous (Folder 3)

3.9. Numbskull Tales (Folders 4-5)
3.10. Animal Jokes and Anecdotes (Folder 6)
3.11. Dialect Jokes (Folder 7)
3.12. Joke Fads (Folder 8)
3.13. Didactic Jokes (Folder 9)
3.0. Miscellaneous (Folder 10)

Box 6

4. Formula Tales

4.1. Rounds (Folder 1)
4.2. Catch Tales (Folder 2)
4.3. Unfinished Tales (Folder 3)

5. Tall Tales

5.1. Tales Dealing with Animals

5.1.1. Hunting Tales (Folder 4)
5.1.2. Fishing Tales (Folder 5)
5.1.3. Wild Animals (Folder 6)
5.1.4. Domestic Animals (Folder 7)
5.1.0. Miscellaneous

5.2. Remarkable Person (Folder 8)
5.3. Plants, Fruits and Vegetables (Folder 9)
5.4. Geography and Topography (Folder 10)
5.5. Weather and Climate (Folder 11)
5.6. Absurd Logic or Lack of Logic (Folder 12)
5.0. Miscellaneous (Folder 13)

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Register

Box 1

1. Animal and Object Tales

1.1. Wild Animals

1.1.1. Wild and Domestic Animals

1.1.1.1 Animals put coyote in sack to save him from hail. (Navajo) (Folder 1)

.1

1.1.1.2 Rabbit and lynx become enemies.

.1

1.1.1.3 Brer Rabbit and Tar Baby.

.1

1.1.1.4 Kani gets revenge on the saru.

.1

1.1.1.5 Troll tries to eat goats, but is pushed into water.

.1

1.1.1.6 Coyote swims porcupine across river in mouth.

.1

1.1.1.7 Mountain lion tends bear cubs and eats them.

.1

1.1.1.8 Coyote marries duck then tries to marry his daughter.

.1

1.1.1.9 Animals race to meeting: first one there is master of all.

.1

1.1.1.10 Wolf fools sheep with flour on paws.

.1

1.1.2. Men and Wild Animals

1.1.2.1 Fisherman helps turtle who in turn takes fisherman to palace.

.1

1.1.2.2 Boy loses mitten, animal uses it.

.1

1.1.2.3 Man caught in river while running from moose.

.1

1.1.2.4 Little Red Riding Hood.

.1

1.2. Domestic Animals

1.2.1 Dog returns to boy after being sold to rich man. (Folder 2)

.1

1.2.2 Lamb tricks wild animals so they do not eat him.

.1

1.3. Fish and Fowl

1.4. Insects

1.0. Miscellaneous

1.0.1 Bean, straw, and glowing coal escape from fire.

.1

2. Folktales

2.1. Magic and Supernatural

2.1.1. People

2.1.1.1 Very tiny boy saves queen from ogres and in turn is made big. (Japanese) (Folder 3)

.1

2.1.1.2 Tiny girl found in bamboo shaft. When grown, goes back to moon. (Japanese)

.1

2.1.1.3 Chang Er receives pill to make immortal. Flies to moon because husband unfaithful. (Chinese)

.1

2.1.1.4 Chang Er cut off ears of children who speak evil of moon. (Vietnamese)

.1

2.1.1.5 Ugly daughter abandoned in forest raised by fairies who make her beautiful. Marries a prince.

.1

2.1.1.6 Girl given ten dwarfs by fairy. Dwarfs hidden in girl's fingers.

.1

2.1.1.7 Little Two-Eyes given food and clothes by magic pear tree. Meets and marries a prince.

.1

2.1.1.8 Food changes to roses in queen’s basket.

.1

2.1.1.9 Peach Boy defeats ogre with help. (Japanese)

.1-.3

2.1.1.10 Girl runs away, frees king, helps defeat White Witch, and then returns home.

.1

2.1.1.11 Grandson has dream of where to find grandfather’s fortune.

.1

2.1.1.12 Gnomes in Taylorsville Canyon eat lost people.

.1-.2

2.1.1.13 Man gives daughter away to keep from going to jail.

.1

2.1.1.14 Boy told to marry king’s daughter at fourteen. To prove himself, he has to get three golden hairs from giant.

.1

2.1.1.15 Girl takes dead man’s liver, then told to return it.

.1

2.1.1.16 Girl pulled into mountain by witch's spell. Lover goes looking for her, never to be seen again.

.1

2.1.1.17 Woman gets pig to jump fence using different methods.

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2.1.1.18 Trolls carve wood into toys if left food.

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2.1.1.19 Little green man makes wishes come true if capture his hat.

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2.1.1.20 House brownies do chores if left milk.

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2.1.1.21 Twelve sons turn to dolphins after swimming from island to island trying to locate parents.

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2.1.1.22 Lady will take children not in bed. Thinks they are her own.

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2.1.2. Objects and Animals

2.1.2.1 Boy tries to steal cornucopia, but it changes to stick and beats boy when he does something wrong. (Folder 4)

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2.1.2.2 Monkey’s Paw.

.1

2.1.2.3 Fisherman catches fish which grants one wish every year.

.1

2.1.2.4 Man gives baby box which produces salt. Baby misuses machine, so salt keeps coming. Father throws box into ocean.

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2.1.2.5 Sparrow gives helpful woman riches, but gives spiteful woman demons and ogres.

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2.1.2.6 Dog leads good man to gold, bad man to junk. Dog killed by bad man.

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2.1.2.7 Farmer’s son gets flower from princess by taking hold of eagle that flew over mountain.

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2.1.2.8 Blind emperor helped serpent get home. Serpent then helped emperor gain sight.

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2.1.2.9 Dog with many wishes to be other things realizes dog is best. (Cambodian)

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2.2. Religious

2.2.1 Babuscka refuses to go with the Three Wise Men. Every year she wanders around

trying to find the child. (Folder 5)

.1

2.2.2 Reverend refuses to let a poor man into his church. True identity is later identified as God.

.1

2.2.3 Baby's belly button is God’s fingerprint.

.1

2.3. Novell

2.3.1 Young man follows dream and finds wife in orange. She turned into bird with poison pin, but turned back when pin is removed.

.1

2.3.2 Young man has leg amputated so fiance, also an amputee, would not be afraid to marry him.

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2.3.3 Man gets king to stay his execution until king can match insanity blocks. Man set free when king could not accomplish it.

.1

2.3.4 Boy who loved stove stowed away in it when it was sold to king. King allowed boy to stay and taught him how to make stoves.

.1

2.3.5 Growing town tries to expand into Waking Forest, but trees cracked road and branches fell on people.

.1

2.3.6 Epimanondus does stupid things.

.1

2.4. Stupid Ogre

2.4.1 Boy captured by giant gets horn from horny toad and scares giant away.

.1-.2

2.0. Miscellaneous

3. Jokes and Anecdotes

3.1. Ethnic/Group

3.1.1. African American

3.1.1.1. Exoteric

3.1.1.1.1 Arrested for leaving scene of accident and breaking and entering. (Folder 6)

.1-.3

3.1.1.1.2 Fight fair, [racial epithet].

.1-.2

3.1.1.1.3 Thump, thump, screech.

.1-.4

3.1.1.1.4 I’ve only been white for 5 minutes, and I already hate those [racial epithet].

.1-.3

3.1.1.1.5 Opium.

.1

3.1.1.1.6 Leave my wife alone, and I’ll leave your sheep alone. (Rhesus & Liza Lou)

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3.1.1.1.7 Get across, shorty.

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3.1.1.1.8 I was goin’ to tampa’ with you. (Rastus & Liza)

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3.1.1.1.9 Man jumping on the man hold covering.

.1-.2

3.1.1.1.10 Spell Albuquerque/Massachusetts to get into heaven.

.1-.2

3.1.1.1.11 Snow White is fairest of them all.

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3.1.1.1.12 Angel does not catch black when he falls down.

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3.1.1.1.13 I ain’t got no dirty [racial epithet] living next to me.

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3.1.1.1.14 Everybody on this bus is green.

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3.1.1.1.15 Everyone with a living father, step forward.

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3.1.1.1.16 Buzz saw does not work. (Rastus & Leroy)

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3.1.1.1.17 BYU football team does not have any running blacks.

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3.1.1.1.18 We gets ‘em first.

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3.1.1.1.19 Blacks need a nickel to pay fare back to Africa.

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3.1.1.1.20 Travel, [racial epithet], travel (T.N.T.).

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3.1.1.1.21 Blacks take suitcase with bobcat in it.

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3.1.1.1.22 Black rents basement of outhouse to Pollack.

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3.1.1.1.23 Black gets back to earth on installment plan.

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3.1.1.1.24 Howard Hughes gives donation to NAACP.

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3.1.1.1.25 Only have two pallbearers.

.1-.2

3.1.1.1.26 Garbage trucks turn lights on for funeral.

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3.1.1.1.27 I ain’t never going to be white again.

.1

3.1.1.1.28 Trolling for alligators.

.1

3.1.1.1.29 Give a [racial epithet] a fur and he thinks he is King Kong.

.1

3.1.1.1.30 Lepra-coon.

.1-.2

3.1.1.1.31 Sure way to cure dandruff.

.1

3.1.1.1.32 Get a black out of a tree.

.1-.3

3.1.1.1.33 Bus full of blacks going over a cliff.

.1-.5

3.1.1.1.34 Worst case of suicide I have ever seen.

.1

3.1.1.1.35 Coon-ary.

.1

3.1.1.1.36 Know how to save a black from drowning.

.1

3.1.1.1.37 Steal more chain than he can swim away with.

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3.1.1.1.38 Know when a black is lying.

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3.1.1.1.39 Klu Klux Kneivel.

.1

3.1.1.1.40 Black died while drinking milk.

.1

3.1.1.1.41 Smash bowling balls before they hatch.

.1-.3

3.1.1.1.42 [Racial epithet] want a watermelon.

.1

3.1.1.1.43 The fathead colonel.

.1

3.1.1.1.44 Do you know what a bastard is?

.1

3.1.1.1.45 Us [racial epithet] don’t dare talk like that.

.1

3.1.1.1.46 Literacy test in Alabama.

.1

3.1.1.1.47 Wait ‘til they start playing cowboys and [expletive].

.1

3.1.1.1.48 Give me $20 worth of cheap jewelry and show me which way the black went.

.1

3.1.1.1.49 Black comes to costume party as fudgesicle.

.1

3.1.1.1.50 God loves me most because he took time to color me.

.1

3.1.1.1.51 KKK members pray to know if what doing is right. (Folder 7)

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3.1.1.1.52 Flesh colored Cadillac.

.1

3.1.1.1.53 Name victims of the Titanic.

.1-.2

3.1.1.1.54 Too lazy to steal.

.1-.4

3.1.1.1.55 Keep black child from jumping on the bed.

.1-.2

3.1.1.1.56 Proof that God is white and not black.

.1

3.1.1.1.57 Why blacks have big nostrils.

.1-.2

3.1.1.1.58 When a black has been shot through the head.

.1

3.1.1.1.59 Black on bike trying to pass sports car.

.1

3.1.1.1.60 Two things you can not give a black.

.1

3.1.1.1.61 Don’t smell ‘em, larn ‘im.

.1

3.1.1.1.62 Why blacks wear platform shoes.

.1

3.1.1.1.63 How many blacks to pave a parking lot?

.1

3.1.1.1.64 Black and seagull fighting for carp.

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3.1.1.1.65 Cross a black with a Samoan.

.1

3.1.1.1.66 Cross a black with a Frenchman.

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3.1.1.1.67 Black test tube baby.

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3.1.1.1.68 Cross a black with a Jew.

.1

3.1.1.1.69 Punish a bad black.

.1-.3

3.1.1.1.70 Alligator disguised as a watermelon.

.1

3.1.1.1.71 Black and white and getting whiter.

.1-.2

3.1.1.1.72 Black sliding down a zebra.

.1

3.1.1.1.73 NFL change color of football.

.1

3.1.1.1.74 Prayed for bigger seagulls.

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3.1.1.1.75 Son of Sambo.

.1

3.1.1.1.76 Crap your pants.

.1

3.1.1.1.77 I got him with the door.

.1

3.1.1.1.78 I’s the Joshua that made the moonshine.

.1

3.1.1.2. Esoteric

3.1.2. Pollack

3.1.2.1. Exoteric

3.1.2.1.1 How many Pollacks to paint a house? (Folder 8)

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.2 How many Pollacks to take a shower?

.1

3.1.2.1.3 Pollack ties his shoes.

.1

3.1.2.1.4 Pollacks score touchdown after other team leaves field.

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.5 Pollack rents an outhouse.

.1

3.1.2.1.6 Pollack on bottom layer of two hole outhouse.

.1

3.1.2.1.7 Pollack throws money into an outhouse.

.1

3.1.2.1.8 He might have had a chance if you had not gutted him.

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.9 New chain saw does not work.

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.10 Pollack coyote chewed three legs off trying to get out of a trap.

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.11 Enemy lights dynamite and throws it back at Pollacks.

.1-.3

3.1.2.1.12 Pollack shoots nude girl in forest.

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.13 Pollack steps out of circle while guy destroys his car.

.1-.3

3.1.2.1.14 Pig waits in wheelbarrow for the Pollack.

.1

3.1.2.1.15 They must have woke up the wrong guy.

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.16 Paint garbage cans black and orange.

.1-.4

3.1.2.1.17 Wife has “polish” remover.

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.18 Spell Czechoslovakia to get into Heaven.

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.19 Thought Cheerios were donut seeds.

.1

3.1.2.1.20 Pollack sings Happy Birthday to remember his name.

.1

3.1.2.1.21 Helicopter pilot turns off fan because it was getting too cold.

.1

3.1.2.1.22 Pollack buys twelve pairs of underwear.

.1

3.1.2.1.23 How long to fly to Buffalo from New York?

.1

3.1.2.1.24 Jew sells Pollack a fly.

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.25 Polish national bird.

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.26 Stare in mirror to figure out where he had last seen himself.

.1

3.1.2.1.27 Burned lips on exhaust pipe.

.1

3.1.2.1.28 Do the blinkers/signal lights on the car work?

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.29 What kind of tracks are they?

.1

3.1.2.1.30 I’ll tell the joke real slow.

.1

3.1.2.1.31 Breaststroke. (Folder 9)

.1

3.1.2.1.32 Pollack volunteers to sleep in barn and pigs leave.

.1

3.1.2.1.33 Polish thinking machine.

.1

3.1.2.1.34 Phone company is putting down poles.

.1

3.1.2.1.35 Which fist is yours?

.1

3.1.2.1.36 Polish gold fish.

.1

3.1.2.1.37 Pollack drives into lake when girl tells him he can go a little farther.

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.38 Two Pollacks take dead father on a train.

.1

3.1.2.1.39 How Pollack broke his arm.

.1-.5

3.1.2.1.40 How many Pollacks to change a light bulb?

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.41 How Pollack burned his face.

.1-.3

3.1.2.1.42 How Hitler conquered Poland.

.1

3.1.2.1.43 Who discovered Poland?

.1

3.1.2.1.44 Polish poet uses “Tenbucktoo” in a contest.

.1

3.1.2.1.45 Dumb Pollack gets gold because others do not exist.

.1

3.1.2.1.46 How many Pollacks to make chocolate chip cookies?

.1

3.1.2.1.47 Drinks are on the house.

.1

3.1.2.1.48 Pollacks drag deer by horns.

.1

3.1.2.1.49 Recognize Polish funeral procession.

.1

3.1.2.1.50 Why pregnant Pollack so strong.

.1

3.1.2.1.51 Pollacks force horse to drink water.

.1

3.1.2.1.52 “You won’t make a canoe out of me.”

.1

3.1.2.1.53 Threw off the wrong butt.

.1

3.1.2.1.54 Pollack who bought snow tires.

.1

3.1.2.1.55 Found gum on toilet seat.

.1

3.1.2.1.56 Lost gum in chicken soup.

.1

3.1.2.1.57 Polish Peeping Tom.

.1

3.1.2.1.58 Play Star Trek.

.1

3.1.2.1.59 Will not let Pollack bathe in ocean.

.1

3.1.2.1.60 Polish calculator.

.1

3.1.2.1.61 How many WASPs to screw in a light bulb?

.1

3.1.2.1.62 Pollack jumps into fireman’s net.

.1

3.1.2.1.63 Pollack did not think guy in movie would do it again.

.1

3.1.2.1.64 Why Polish kids can not play in the sandbox.

.1

3.1.2.1.65 Climb to the moon on a flash light beam.

.1

3.1.2.1.66 Pollack takes citizenship test.

.1

3.1.2.1.67 Fired shot to signal friend while hunting.

.1

3.1.2.1.68 How to get a Pollack out of a tree.

.1

3.1.2.1.69 How many Pollacks to make Jiffy Pop?

.1

3.1.2.1.70 Pollack caught fifty pound block of ice while fishing.

.1

3.1.2.1.71 How to brainwash a Pollack.

.1

3.1.2.1.72 Easiest job in the world.

.1

3.1.2.1.73 Pollack married first fifty cent piece.

.1

3.1.2.1.74 How limbo was invented.

.1

3.1.2.1.75 Took roll of toilet paper to a crap game. (Folder 10)

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3.1.2.1.76 Took nose apart to see what made it run.

.1

3.1.2.1.77 Backed off bus because someone was going to take his seat.

.1

3.1.2.1.78 Thinnest book in the world.

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3.1.2.1.79 Goof ball.

.1

3.1.2.1.80 Pollack dreamt he ate a twenty pound marshmallow.

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3.1.2.1.81 Matched luggage.

.1

3.1.2.1.82 Say grace before picking nose.

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3.1.2.1.83 Why Pollacks have big noses.

.1

3.1.2.1.84 Studied for a urine test.

.1

3.1.2.1.85 How many pallbearers at a Polish funeral?

.1

3.1.2.1.86 Why Milwaukee has all the Pollacks.

.1

3.1.2.1.87 Deduct husband’s funeral expenses.

.1

3.1.2.1.88 Three most dangerous things in the world.

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3.1.2.1.89 How Pollack goes to war.

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3.1.2.1.90 Bay of Pigs.

.1

3.1.2.1.91 Only two moving parts.

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3.1.2.1.92 Damage done by atomic bomb dropped on Poland.

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3.1.2.1.93 Polish seven course dinner.

.1

3.1.2.1.94 Definition of a cad.

.1

3.1.2.1.95 Difference between a Polish bride and an elephant.

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3.1.2.1.96 Dope pusher.

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3.1.2.1.97 Russians look for a naval base.

.1

3.1.2.1.98 Assassins of Malcolm X.

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3.1.2.1.99 Pollack who died from drinking milk.

.1

3.1.2.1.100 Polish race car driver makes eleven pit stops.

.1

3.1.2.1.101 One minute coffee breaks.

.1

3.1.2.1.102 LDS Pollack.

.1-.2

3.1.2.1.103 Gets lost parachuting.

.1

3.1.2.1.104 Jumps off 10 story building, who hits first?

.1

3.1.2.1.105 Where Pollacks keep their armies.

.1

3.1.2.1.106 Three Pollacks come upon a pile of crap in a field.

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3.1.2.1.107 Dumber than a Pollack.

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3.1.2.1.108 Pollack who wanted to become a stud.

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3.1.2.2. Esoteric

Box 2

3.1.3. Jewish

3.1.3.1. Exoteric

3.1.3.1.1 “Funny you should ask.” (Folder 1)

.1-.5

3.1.3.1.2 Sequel to “Jaws.”

.1

3.1.3.1.3 Rabbi throws up money and whatever the Lord wants, he takes.

.1

3.1.3.1.4 Jewish boy begs not to be thrown overboard if he dies.

.1

3.1.3.1.5 Jew asked to name the people on the Bismarck.

.1

3.1.3.1.6 Jewish boy straightens up after going to a Catholic school.

.1

3.1.3.1.7 Difference between a Jew and a pizza.

.1-.2

3.1.3.1.8 God intervened when the Pope and a Rabbi come together to discuss the fate of the Jews in Rome.

.1

3.1.3.1.9 Rabbi cuts off tailpipe of car given to him by his congregation.

.1

3.1.3.1.10 Rabbi pleads guilty when accused of assault.

.1

3.1.3.1.11 Jew cooks steaks on Friday to tempt Catholic priest.

.1

3.1.3.1.12 Jews ambush Arabs in the desert.

.1

3.1.3.1.13 Luckiest Arab in Ireland.

.1

3.1.3.2. Esoteric

3.1.3.2.1 Jew asks for twenty dollars of cheap jewelry in Heaven.

.1

3.1.3.2.2 Jewish boy says Christ was the greatest man in order to get an apple.

.1

3.1.3.2.3 Rabbi eats to hide the fact that he is fasting.

.1

3.1.3.2.4 Tailor takes six weeks to make pants for a rabbi.

.1

3.1.3.2.5 Jews and bicycle riders cause the war.

.1

3.1.4. Irish

3.1.4.1. Exoteric

3.1.4.1.1 Toilet seat for leprechauns. (Folder 2)

.1

3.1.4.1.2 Pati O’Furniture

.1

3.1.4.2. Esoteric

3.1.5. Italian

3.1.5.1. Exoteric

3.1.5.1.1 How many Italians to paint a house? (Folder 3)

.1

3.1.5.1.2 Barrel of manure at Italian wedding.

.1

3.1.5.1.3 Stepped out of circle three times while motorcycle gang was not looking.

.1

3.1.5.1.4 Guillotine would work better if the runners were greased.

.1

3.1.5.1.5 Italian national bird.

.1

3.1.5.1.6 Helicopters banned from flying over Italy.

.1

3.1.5.2. Esoteric

3.1.6. Mexican

3.1.6.1. Exoteric

3.1.6.1.1 Pedro makes a butterfly from butter and a horse from a horsefly. (Folder 4)

.1

3.1.6.1.2 Pancho Knievel is found in the Grand Canyon.

.1-.2

3.1.6.1.3 Why Mexicans fought hard for the Alamo.

.1

3.1.6.1.4 Put 50,000 Mexicans in a machine to grease it.

.1

3.1.6.1.5 Do not run over a Mexican on a bike.

.1

3.1.6.1.6 Clear and lie in the gutter.

.1

3.1.6.1.7 Spichett fence.

.1

3.1.6.1.8 Best five years of a Mexican’s life.

.1

3.1.6.1.9 Cross a Mexican with an octopus.

.1-.2

3.1.6.1.10 Why Mexicans don’t have freckles.

.1

3.1.6.1.11 Mexican baptism.

.1

3.1.6.1.12 Mexican with a C.B. in his car.

.1

3.1.6.1.13 Mexican with a college diploma.

.1

3.1.6.1.14 Mexican fortune cookies.

.1-.2

3.1.6.1.15 Why Mexicans have noses.

.1

3.1.6.1.16 Beans fall through the grill.

.1

3.1.6.1.17 Cross a Mormon with a Mexican.

.1

3.1.6.2. Esoteric

3.1.6.2.1 Chihuahua steals a bone from a bulldog.

.1

3.1.6.2.2 Mexican jumps across a canyon after eating beans.

.1

3.1.6.2.3 Chinaman means to say how ugly death is.

.1

3.1.7. Texan

3.1.7.1. Exoteric

3.1.7.1.1 Undertaker gives Texan an enema and buries him in a shoe box. (Folder 5)

.1

3.1.7.1.2 “Remember the Alamo.”

.1-.4

3.1.7.2. Esoteric

3.1.8. American Indian

3.1.8.1. Exoteric

3.1.8.1.1 “Ain’t ‘cha got no red pop?” (Folder 6)

.1

3.1.8.1.2 Indian is still looking for a co-signer.

.1

3.1.8.1.3 Used too short of a buck rein.

.1

3.1.8.1.4 Indian uses a tomahawk to give himself a nose job.

.1

3.1.8.1.5 Indian child asks how Indians choose names for their children.

.1-.2

3.1.8.2. Esoteric

3.1.8.2.1 Indian tries to eat long-johns, thinking they are tanagra.

.1

3.1.8.2.2 Indian plays a trick on another by camouflaging manure with dirt and twigs.

.1

3.1.9. Colleges and Schools

3.1.9.1. Exoteric

3.1.9.1.1 Five Aggies came across a cow pie. (Folder 7)

.1

3.1.9.1.2 Aggie killed while getting a drink of milk.

.1

3.1.9.1.3 University of Utah takes an S.O.B.

.1

3.1.9.1.4 Coke bottle says open at other end.

.1

3.1.9.1.5 Ugly co-ed gets money because Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the most beautiful co-ed do not exist.

.1

3.1.9.1.6 Two ton pickup.

.1

3.1.9.1.7 Difference between a co-ed and trash.

.1-.7

3.1.9.1.8 Difference between a co-ed and a pig.

.1-.3

3.1.9.1.9 Difference between a co-ed and an elephant or hippo.

.1-.2

3.1.9.1.10 How many football players to screw in a light bulb?

.1-.2

3.1.9.1.11 How many USU students to screw in a light bulb?

.1

3.1.9.1.12 Why marching group does not wear boots.

.1

3.1.9.1.13 Which co-ed will fall first?

.1

3.1.9.1.14 Difference between a co-ed and a police car.

.1-.2

3.1.9.1.15 Difference between a co-ed and a Rolaids tablet.

.1

3.1.9.1.16 Co-ed doll gets fat when wound up.

.1

3.1.9.1.17 Difference between a co-ed and an elephant lying in bed.

.1

3.1.9.1.18 Why co-eds have calluses on their knuckles.

.1

3.1.9.1.19 Realtor has to remind students which side of sod goes up.

.1

3.1.9.1.20 BYU’s library burned down.

.1

3.1.9.1.21 Provo’s zoo.

.1

3.1.9.1.22 Differences between a student and a mouse.

.1-.2

3.1.9.1.23 Why co-eds have red rings on their bodies.

.1

3.1.9.1.24 Difference between a co-ed and Ringling Brothers Circus.

.1

3.1.9.1.25 What to call a good looking girl at BYU.

.1

3.1.9.1.26 How a co-ed holds up her stocking.

.1

3.1.9.1.27 Student attacked while trying on odor eaters.

.1

3.1.9.1.28 Smallest book at BYU.

.1

3.1.9.1.29 What to call co-eds jumping out of plane.

.1

3.1.9.1.30 Most popular class at BYU.

.1

3.1.9.1.31 Cross a co-ed with a mermaid.

.1

3.1.9.1.32 High-class BYU co-eds only have their numbers in the telephone booths on the east side of Provo.

.1

3.1.9.1.33 How co-eds protect themselves from Peeping Toms.

.1

3.1.9.1.34 How to get a co-ed out of the bath tub.

.1

3.1.9.1.35 “They teach us not to piss on our hands.”

.1

3.1.9.1.36 How co-eds find each other in the dark. (Folder 8)

.1

3.1.9.1.37 Why Christ was not born at BYU.

.1

3.1.9.1.38 Co-eds put mirrors on bathroom ceilings to watch themselves gargle.

.1

3.1.9.1.39 How to tell you entered BYU country.

.1

3.1.9.1.40 Why co-eds do not vote.

.1

3.1.9.1.41 What’s short, fat and hairy?

.1

3.1.9.1.42 BYU co-ed wears black panties.

.1

3.1.9.1.43 How to propose to a co-ed.

.1

3.1.9.1.44 Why co-eds can not play in the sandbox.

.1

3.1.9.1.45 Co-eds point when ducks fly over.

.1

3.1.9.1.46 How to separate the men from the boys.

.1

3.1.9.1.47 Bay of Pigs.

.1-.3

3.1.9.1.48 Man-eating tiger's starved.

.1-.3

3.1.9.1.49 Zoo closes at 6:00 p.m.

.1

3.1.9.1.50 Lawrence of Rexburg.

.1

3.1.9.1.51 Manual labor.

.1

3.1.9.1.52 Frog has a pimple.

.1

3.1.9.1.53 No artificial turf at the football stadium.

.1-.2

3.1.9.1.54 Why BYU will be warm and cozy.

.1

3.1.9.2. Esoteric

3.1.9.2.1 “Take out your activity card and go to the end of that line.”

.1-.7

3.1.9.2.2 Professor never answers question with a statement.

.1

3.1.9.2.3 Definition of a lecture.

.1

3.1.10. Arab

3.1.10.1. Exoteric

3.1.10.1.1 Mohammed tells women to put on veils. (Folder 9)

.1

3.1.10.1.2 Israelis yell, “Hey, Mohammed,” in order to kill Arabs.

.1

3.1.10.1.3 Busload of Iranians going off cliff with an empty seat.

.1

3.1.10.1.4 How many Iranians to water a camel?

.1

3.1.10.1.5 What is pink and runs through the desert?

.1

3.1.10.2. Esoteric

3.1.11. Hunters

3.1.11.1. Exoteric

3.1.11.1.1 Hunter does not clean out deer, so it gets bigger. (Folder 10)

.1

3.1.11.1.2 “You can have your deer, but let me take my saddle off first.”

.1-.5

3.1.11.1.3 “If you can run fast enough to tag a deer, you can have it.”

.1

3.1.11.1.4 Shot hunter would have had better chances if his buddy had not cleaned him out first.

.1-.2

3.1.11.1.5 Friend of hunter shoot a farmer’s cow not knowing their friend was playing trick on them.

.1-.3

3.1.11.1.6 “Here’s a bear for you, I’ll go and get another for myself.”

.1

3.1.11.1.7 “With the help of the Lord and a big stick, I got them back in.”

.1-.2

3.1.11.2. Esoteric

3.1.0. Miscellaneous

3.1.0.1 Swiss person gives reply at 2:00 a.m. (Folder 11)

.1

3.1.0.2 Cow ate the grass and left.

.1

3.1.0.3 American put a knapsack instead of a parachute on a Russian.

.1

3.1.0.4 Immigrant will not be pallbearer thinking they mean a polar bear.

.1

3.1.0.5 Best place to get wife is San Pete County because any situation would be an improvement.

.1

3.1.0.6 Portuguese man tests all matches before sending them to friend.

.1-.2

3.1.0.7 Why little moron put hay in bed.

.1

3.1.0.8 Inexperienced farmer sow to get bred.

.1

3.1.0.9 Guide puts turtle in tourist’s bed and says it is a flea, because tourist says everything is bigger in America.

.1

3.1.0.10 Lady from Bronx has son who has an Oedipus complex.

.1

3.1.0.11 Sign in England says, “Six miles to Shropshire. If you can’t read the sign, ask the blacksmith.”

.1

3.1.0.12 What to call a Philippine contortionist.

.1

3.1.0.13 North Dakotan yells “fire” while standing in front of firing squad.

.1

3.1.0.14 Why Canada has the French Canadians.

.1

3.1.0.15 “Every time I try to kiss him, he giggles.”

.1

3.1.0.16 Three types of men.

.1

3.1.0.17 Gay says there are three kinds of turd.

.1

3.1.0.18 Why the [homosexual] is buried in a pink coffin.

.1

3.1.0.19 How many Californians to screw in light bulb?

.1

3.1.0.20 How many WASPs to screw in light bulb?

.1

Box 3

3.2. Religious Jokes and Anecdotes

3.2.1. Combinations of Two Religions

3.2.1.1. LDS and Catholic

3.2.1.1.1 Mormon frog floats on butter while Catholic frog drowns. (Folder 1)

.1-.2

3.2.1.1.2 “Good morning, Father.”

.1-.2

3.2.1.1.3 Catholic kittens become Mormon kittens because their eyes have opened and they saw the light.

.1-.6

3.2.1.1.4 Christ comes to Salt Lake City, not Rome.

.1-.16

3.2.1.1.5 “Sins are going three for a dollar today.”

.1

3.2.1.1.6 Catholic boy gets his ear boxed when he says his father is priest and his mother is nun.

.1-.2

3.2.1.1.7 Easter is when Christ comes out of his grave, but if he does not see his shadow, he goes back in it.

.1

3.2.1.1.8 “Damn it, I missed again!”

.1-.2

3.2.1.1.9 Little boy says he didn't know there was much difference between Mormons and Catholics

when he and little girl take off clothes.

.1

3.2.1.1.10 “I didn’t know you were having a vision.”

.1

3.2.1.1.11 Father does not punish Notre Dame football player when he confesses he played dirty against BYU.

.1

3.2.1.0. Miscellaneous

3.2.1.0.1 Baptists sang “No, Not One” after the Presbyterians sang “Will There Be Any Star in My Crown.”

.1

3.2.1.0.2 Priest remembers where he left his bike after preaching about “Thou shalt not commit adultery.”

.1

3.2.1.0.3 Mormon in Middle East is crushed by big black foot when he says “Thank God” instead of “Thank Allah.”

.1

3.2.2. Combinations of Three or More Religions

3.2.2.1. LDS and _________ and __________

3.2.2.1.1 “Do you think we should tell him where the rocks are?” (Folder 2)

.1-.12

3.2.2.1.2 Mormon bishop saves seed from watermelon filled with alcohol.

.1

3.2.2.1.3 “You’ll have to go to hell. I don’t have time to make you punch and cookies.”

.1-.2

3.2.2.1.4 Mormons play around in heaven because they could not do it on earth.

.1

3.2.2.1.5 “Jesus Christ, are you here again?”

.1-.3

3.2.2.1.6 Mormon has to spell “Albuquerque” in order to get into heaven.

.1

3.2.2.1.7 President Kimball’s phone bill to heaven is low because it is local call.

.1-.2

3.2.2.1.8 Rabbi spits nails at Christ when he comes second time.

.1

3.2.2.1.9 Taxi driver gets to go to heaven because he has scared the hell out of more people than the clergy man.

.1-.2

3.2.2.1.10 “Damn it, I missed again!”

.1-.2

3.2.2.1.11 Mormon bishop writes check for million dollars and puts in casket of man who gave him the money.

.1

3.2.2.1.12 “We don’t stand a chance, Fanny.”

.1

3.2.2.1.13 Rabbi is admitted to heaven without any red tape and is given nice car because he is related to boss.

.1

3.2.2.1.14 Minister throws money up and whatever the Lord wants, he takes it.

.1-.2

3.2.3. LDS Jokes

3.2.3.1. Confused Morals

3.2.3.1.1 Mormon hijacker would have been caught when he paid his tithing. (Folder 3)

.1

3.2.3.1.2 Relief Society sisters walk out when one sister says how much prostitute can make.

.1

3.2.3.1.3 BYU girls love sex, but will not smoke or drink.

.1-.3

3.2.3.2. Mormons and Gentiles

3.2.3.2.1 Boy would be embarrassed if he were not a Mormon.

.1

3.2.3.2.2 Truck driver run over motorcycle of man who ate donut and drank Postum.

.1

3.2.3.2.3 People want to feel Mormon’s horns, so he lets them.

.1-.2

3.2.3.2.4 Man thinks he shot Mormon bishop when hunter described his catch as having two horns and beard.

.1-.2

3.2.3.3. Missionary Work

3.2.3.3.1 Mormonism is like manure, it has to be spread around.

.1

3.2.3.3.2 St. Peter asks man who does not know a lot about Mormons if he would like to know more.

.1

3.2.3.3.3 Two boys decide to just sprinkle cat and let it go to devil.

.1

3.2.3.4. Mormons and Money

3.2.3.4.1 Boy thinks bishop is stingy with sacrament bread. (Folder 4)

.1

3.2.3.4.2 LDS stands for “lay down the silver.”

.1

3.2.3.4.3 Businessman donates $5,000 to Swiss Temple so they put, “I was a stranger and you

took me in” on the cornerstone.

.1

3.2.3.4.4 Man is willing to pay $1,000 to have church funeral for his dog.

.1

3.2.3.4.5 “If there’s a will, there’s a way.”

.1-.2

3.2.3.4.6 St. Peter tells Howard Hughes that it is 10%.

.1

3.2.3.5. Church Meetings

3.2.3.5.1 Mormon Standard Time.

.1-.2

3.2.3.5.2 Boy tells mother that at fast and testimony meeting, sister just bored and bored and bored.

.1

3.2.3.5.3 Sleeping brother stands up in middle of meeting when bishop asks if they do not think

they will go to hell for sleeping in church.

.1-.2

3.2.3.5.4 Sleeping brother gets up in middle of meeting and gives closing prayer.

.1-.2

3.2.3.5.5 “I don’t think one has to be sloppy to be humble.”

.1

3.2.3.5.6 Brother tries to swat fly while bearing testimony, but misses it.

.1

3.2.3.5.7 Man tries to fix chorister’s dress and gets two black eyes.

.1

3.2.3.6. Heaven and Hell

3.2.3.6.1 President Wilkinson has to get more chalk in order to write down sins.

.1-.2

3.2.3.6.2 Mormon lady tells another lady to go to hell because there are not any Mormons there.

.1-.2

3.2.3.6.3 “When you die, you can ask him.”

.1-.2

3.2.3.6.4 St. Peter uses person’s sin clock for fan.

.1-.6

3.2.3.6.5 “You’ll have to be quiet because the Mormons think they’re the only ones here.”

.1-.18

3.2.3.6.6 “Those damn Mormons have been irrigating again.”

.1-.13

3.2.3.6.7 Man says he will be damned if he will go when asked to go to St. George.

.1

3.2.3.6.8 Person allowed into heaven when St. Peter finds out that they knew another person

because they had suffered enough.

.1-.2

3.2.3.6.9 When talking about heaven, eyes should light up but when talking about hell, normal expression would do.

.1

3.2.3.7. Puns and Word Plays

3.2.3.7.1 Grow marijuana on stake welfare farm. (Folder 5)

.1

3.2.3.7.2 “I am a loaf of bread.”

.1

3.2.3.7.3 Congregation came to conference with appetite for steak dinner.

.1

3.2.3.7.4 “Bring to pass the immorality and eternal life of man.”

.1

3.2.3.7.5 Good Mormons, Jack Mormons, and Hijack Mormons.

.1-.4

3.2.3.7.6 Prayboy and Repenthouse.

.1

3.2.3.7.7 “Hope smiling brightly before us and we know that deliverance is nigh.”

.1

3.2.3.7.8 Mormon streaker.

.1

3.2.3.7.9 Cross LSD with LDS priest.

.1

3.2.3.7.10 What Mormon bullfrog says.

.1

3.2.3.7.11 Cross J. Golden Kimball with Spencer W. Kimball.

.1-.3

3.2.3.7.12 Give women the priesthood.

.1

3.2.3.7.13 “Let’s get physical.”

.1

3.2.3.8. Bishops

3.2.3.8.1 Bishop shoots naked girl who says she is game.

.1

3.2.3.8.2 Bishop calls man S.O.B. in roundabout way.

.1

3.2.3.8.3 Bishop looks like Dean Martin.

.1

3.2.3.8.4 Bishop goes golfing on Sunday and Lord helps him get hole-in-one.

.1-.6

3.2.3.8.5 “Damn it, I missed again!”

.1-.2

3.2.3.8.6 Bishop goes golfing on Sunday but when he comes home finds note on door saying

“Sorry we missed you, Enoch.”

.1

3.2.3.8.7 Three bishops confess their faults to each other.

.1

3.2.3.8.8 Bishop buys parrot that only says, “Let us pray.”

.1

3.2.3.8.9 “With the help of the Lord and a big stick, I got it back in.”

.1

3.2.3.9 Leadership

3.2.3.9.1 Food named after church leaders.

.1

3.2.3.9.2 Brigham Young has scouts bring him young Indians for wives.

.1

3.2.3.9.3 Brigham Young could take any bus and still get home.

.1

3.2.3.9.4 Brigham Young tells man to eat other half of pie to get answer to his dream.

.1

3.2.3.9.5 Brigham Young wears roller skates in heaven because he had so many illegitimate children.

.1

3.2.3.9.6 Why Joseph Fielding Smith lived so long.

.1

3.2.3.9.7 “Salt the lake.”

.1-.2

3.2.3.9.8 Relief Society says that naked man who ran by was not in their ward.

.1-.3

3.2.3.0. Miscellaneous (Folder 6)

3.2.3.0.1 “You should have seen the garden last year when the Lord was working on it by himself.”

.1

3.2.3.0.2 “Heavenly Father is missing and they’re trying to blame it on me.”

.1-.4

3.2.3.0.3 “Pray for bigger seagulls.”

.1

3.2.3.0.4 Black remembers going under water for his baptism as last thing to happen to him on earth.

.1

3.2.3.0.5 “If these are your quizzies, I’d like to see your testies.”

.1

3.2.3.0.6 “How do you make pleasure last an hour?”

.1

3.2.3.0.7 “We prostate ourselves before thee.”

.1

3.2.3.0.8 “I wear my garments, too.”

.1

3.2.3.0.9 BYU has to give back one yard for every ten they make.

.1-.3

3.2.3.0.10 Sister who takes pill a lot sneezed and sterilized the whole ward.

.1

3.2.3.0.11 Three smallest books in the world.

.1

3.2.3.0.12 Bishop asks Brother Peterson to say closing prayer.

.1

3.2.3.0.13 Partially deaf old man volunteers to change places with any one who can not hear.

.1

3.2.3.0.14 Boy testifies how glad he is that his parents are getting married.

.1

3.2.3.0.15 Newspaper is good as far as it is translated correctly.

.1

3.2.3.0.16 Guy thinks Satan is in room when friends pull out one of his drawers.

.1

3.2.3.0.17 Utah state bird is changed to stork.

.1

3.2.3.0.18 How many Mormons to screw in light bulb?

.1-.6

3.2.3.0.19 Why Mormons do not have hemorrhoids.

.1

3.2.3.0.20 “This is a Mormon town. Everybody looks alike.”

.1

3.2.3.0.21 Why Utah got the Mormons.

.1-.3

3.2.3.0.22 How to tell if you are at a Mormon wedding.

.1

3.2.3.0.23 Jack Mormon stole the cookie because Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny,

and intelligent Mormons do not exist.

.1

3.2.3.0.24 Moroni to be replaced with statue of Louis Armstrong.

.1

3.2.3.0.25 Crows are black because they will not eat grasshoppers.

.1

3.2.4. Catholic Jokes

3.2.4.1 “Hello, Father.” (Folder 7)

.1

3.2.4.2 Girl wants to become prostitute, but nun thought she said Protestant.

.1

3.2.4.3 Priest said, “Oh, wow!” when he heard his first confession.

.1

3.2.4.4 Nun has her first cigarette and first drink while waiting to get out of hell, and then decides

she does not want to leave.

.1

3.2.4.5 Parrot recites “Hail Mary” or “Our Father” depending on which leg is pulled.

.1

3.2.4.6 Parrot says it is prostitute and the priest’s parrot says their prayers have been answered.

.1

3.2.4.7 What is black and white and black and white and...

.1

3.2.4.8 Nuns use a bed pan in which they get gas for their car.

.1-.2

3.2.4.9 Priest takes gas without paying after attendant says there is not any gas.

.1

3.2.4.10 Catholics start baptizing for the dead.

.1-.2

3.2.4.11 Irish priest who hates English implies that Judas Iscariot was English.

.1

3.2.4.12 Pope makes blind man lame.

.1

3.2.4.13 Priest trains horse to run when he says “Praise the Lord” and to stop when he says “Hail Mary.”

.1

3.2.4.14 Pope tells people to get off lawn.

.1

3.2.4.15 How they choose new pope.

.1

3.2.4.16 Pope is holier and took on deeper meaning after he was shot.

.1

3.2.4.17 “Damn it, I missed again!”

.1-.2

3.2.5. Baptist Jokes

3.2.5.1 Preacher remembers where he left bike after preaching about “Thou shalt not covet thy

neighbor’s wife.” (Folder 8)

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3.2.0. Miscellaneous

3.2.0.1 Little girl will not pray after teacher says that God has no ears. (Folder 9)

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3.2.0.2 Minister prepares extravagant Easter sermon, but only one person comes.

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3.2.0.3 Congregation repeats all that the minister says, even when he says that he left his glasses at home.

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3.2.0.4 Preacher asks man if he is ready for Judgment Day.

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3.2.0.5 Boy meets father coming down ladder for more chalk so he can finish writing sins.

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3.2.0.6 St. Peter writes a letter to the 5% of the earth’s population that has not committed adultery.

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3.2.0.7 “If we’re going to be saved, we’re going to have to get on the ball.”

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3.2.0.8 Fraternity will pledge anyone who can turn water into wine.

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3.2.0.9 A man, while being translated, is put back for lying when he says he is not worthy.

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3.2.0.10 Preacher asks a man if he has found the Lord.

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3.2.0.11 Black asks Lord to fill him up during a sermon.

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3.2.0.12 Old prospector prays and tells Lord that he has not bothered him for 35 years and won’t bother

him for another 35 years if he saved him from the flood.

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3.2.0.13 Man in a flood prays for help, but then says he does not need it when he finds a log to hold onto.

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3.2.0.14 Guardian angel can go faster than 55 m.p.h.

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3.2.0.15 “The shell is still here but the nut has gone to heaven.”

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3.2.0.16 God asks Oral Roberts to help him with back pain.

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3.2.0.17 Small boy thinks angels performed his operation.

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3.2.0.18 Sheepherder prays for provisions when runs out of food.

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3.2.0.19 God tries to create woman from man so she will be modest and chaste, but fails.

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3.2.0.20 Untouchable does not want to come back as cow for fear of ending up in Texas.

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3.2.0.21 Preacher hires little boy to release dove during his sermon on the Holy Ghost.

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3.2.0.22 Sleeping man is stuck with pin by lady and he yells, “God Almighty,” just as the minister asks question.

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3.2.0.23 Pastor remembers where he left bike while preaching about “Thou shalt not commit adultery.”

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3.2.0.24 Old maid donates $1,000 so she can choose any hymn she wants.

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3.2.0.25 Man asks God if a minute of his time is like a thousand years and if a penny is like a fortune.

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3.2.0.26 Man confesses that he took the Lord’s name in vain after missing four inch putt.

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3.2.0.27 Wings given to people in heaven fall off when they think dirty thoughts.

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3.2.0.28 Beautiful woman punished for sins by having to be with man.

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3.2.0.29 Jesus Christ and Holy Ghost go golfing. Christ cheats to get hole-in-one.

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Box 4

3.3. Courtship, Marriage and Family

3.3.1. Courtship

3.3.1.1 Man looking for perfect woman, finds her but she is looking for perfect man. (Folder 1)

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3.3.1.2 Prince looking for most beautiful wife marries princess who is just a bit pregnant.

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3.3.1.3 “Sinner, sinner, down below, pucker up and let it go.”

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3.3.1.4 Why are there plain looking wives?

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3.3.1.5 Bridegroom looks stunned.

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3.3.1.6 God made foolish women so they would love men.

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3.3.1.7 Guy passes gas at his date's house hoping they will think it is dog.

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3.3.2. Marriage and Couples

3.3.2.1 Set up salon in house so wife can make money. (Folder 2)

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3.3.2.2 Woman buys Fussy-Buggar to protect herself from drunk husband.

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3.3.2.3 After shooting mule for stopping three times, a farmer warns his new wife, “That’s once.”

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3.3.2.4 Young man asks new wife to sing after seeing her in morning.

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3.3.2.5 Man gets part in play as husband; too bad it isn't a speaking part.

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3.3.2.6 Husband was last resort.

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3.3.2.7 Man has wife on knees trying to get him to come out from under bed.

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3.3.2.8 After argument, man asks wife if she is related to some mules.

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3.3.2.9 Woman wants to show painter where husband put his hand last night.

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3.3.2.10 Man wants to borrow Doberman Pinchers that killed another man’s mother-in-law.

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3.3.2.11 Man pushes refrigerator onto man who he suspected was fooling around with wife, but real culprit was refrigerator.

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3.3.2.12 Reason why there are so many Brighams, Hunsakers, and Tolmans in Honeyville.

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3.3.2.13 Husband asks wife what doctor said about forty year old [butt] and replies that name never came up.

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3.3.2.14 Lady will not fix supper for husband, so he threatens not to see her.

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3.3.2.15 Mixed emotion is seeing your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in new Cadillac.

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3.3.3. Children

3.3.3.1 Little boy’s turtle gets blisters on its feet. (Folder 3)

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3.3.3.2 Boy brings his teacher puppy in sack, and she tries to guess what is it after licking her finger after touching wet spot.

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3.3.3.3 Boy snags and tears seat of pants while trying to get to school on time.

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3.3.3.4 Little boy makes Gatorade out of pet alligators.

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3.3.3.5 Father tells little boy to whisper in ear when he has to pee.

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3.3.3.6 Test tube baby has birthmark that says Pyrex.

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3.3.3.7 Two boys, after talking intellectually, have to go back to class and string beads.

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3.3.3.8 When father wants to have talk with son about sex, the son asks him what he wants to know.

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3.3.3.9 Milkman has pains during the birth of baby instead of father.

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3.3.3.10 Little boy proves that he is toughest because he can wear out his grandmother in two hours.

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3.3.3.11 Boy writes answers to his test questions on his underwear.

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3.3.3.12 Old couple wait until children die before they get divorce.

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3.4. Occupational

3.4.1. Medical

3.4.1.1 Nurse cures patient of exhibitionism by saying that he just does not have it. (Folder 4)

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3.4.1.2 Patient fills urine specimen bottle with 7-Up and drinks it again.

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3.4.1.3 Some babies born with tails but doctors cut them off.

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3.4.1.4 “Some bum stole my pen.”

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3.4.1.5 Plastic surgeon’s sign says, “Come in and pick up your nose.”

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3.4.1.6 A bacteria decides to take the 7:15 out.

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3.4.1.7 Why doctors wear masks when they operate.

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3.4.2. Psychology

3.4.2.1 Patient says first sane thing he’s said in twenty years during a doctor’s speech. (Folder 5)

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3.4.2.2 Psychologists greet each other by saying, “You are fine.”

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3.4.3. Military

3.4.3.1 Marine can tell Army officer is from West Point because he saw ring on finger while he was picking

his nose. (Folder 6)

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3.4.3.2 Sergeant tells everyone with father to step forward, but tells one man not to move so fast.

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3.4.3.3 Two soldiers sneak a pig on base by dressing it up and saying it’s name is “Oink.”

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3.4.3.4 Young man joins Navy and makes bloop machine which goes “Bloop” when it’s pushed overboard.

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3.4.4. Teaching

3.4.4.1 Professor got out of grading papers by telling the student that papers were bad and had to be

re-written. (Folder 7)

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3.4.4.2 Ninety percent is required to pass test. Teacher is only one in world who knows the answers to two of ten questions.

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3.4.0. Miscellaneous

3.4.0.1 Economist’s brains cost so much because they have never been used. (Folder 8)

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3.4.0.2 Guitar player does not do anything fancy because he’s already found it.

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3.4.0.3 Worker takes out wooden eye to read number on bottom of beam.

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3.4.0.4 Worker bets that he can bear bottom to mosquitoes for fifteen minutes.

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3.4.0.5 Salesman that will get the job: who got most [crap] to stick to wall of building.

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3.4.0.6 Mountain climber has to hold rope in teeth but falls when someone asks how he is.

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3.4.0.7 Carpet layer finds lump underneath carpet and smashes it with hammer. Later finds out that

lady’s parrot was missing.

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3.4.0.8 Logger who tripped while going to dinner gives up because there would not be any left.

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3.4.0.9 Students sign fictitious name on the roll and do the work for the fictitious student.

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3.4.0.10 St. Peter can not take Satan to court because he can not find lawyer.

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3.4.0.11 Librarian brains are expensive because it takes so many librarians to get pound of brains.

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3.4.0.12 “This tastes like moose turd pie, but it sure is good.”

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3.4.0.13 Difference between recession and depression.

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3.4.0.14 Bricklayer gets injured in series of accidents, so he has to take sick leave.

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3.4.0.15 Constipated mathematician worked it out with slide rule.

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3.4.0.16 Farmer gets same price for his wheat when mules go to market without him.

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3.5. Scatological

3.5.1. Sexual

3.5.1.1. Deviancy

3.5.1.1.1 Hunter has to kill polar bear and make love to Indian maiden to join club. (Folder 9)

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3.5.1.1.2 Cowboy kisses the horse’s rear so he does not lick his chapped lips.

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3.5.1.1.3 Sheepherder’s son answers questions by saying yah-ah-ah.

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3.5.1.0. Miscellaneous

3.5.1.0.1 Why fire engine red.

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3.5.1.0.2 Difference between Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders and Ringling Brothers’ Circus.

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3.5.1.0.3 Dead beaver on organ is worse than live skunk on piano.

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3.5.1.0.4 Bride thinks husband has small cocks when he was young.

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3.5.1.0.5 Old woman pulls handle on man posing as statue and gets Jergen’s lotion.

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3.5.1.0.6 Fat man goes on diet, so doctor pulls extra skin up above his head and cuts it off.

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3.5.1.0.7 Tax to be started on men’s peter.

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3.5.1.0.8 Shaped like a cigar and filled with seamen.

.1-.2

3.5.1.0.9 What Vaseline is called in German.

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3.5.1.0.10 Two mice playing hide-and-seek. Boy mouse tells girl mouse he is going to rape her.

She tells him where she is.

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3.5.1.0.11 Two nuns raped. One says to forgive them for they know not what they do; other one replies,

“This one does.”

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3.5.1.0.12 Man rapes woman but forgets to take off pantyhose.

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3.5.1.0.13 Why big trains do not have little trains.

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3.5.1.0.14 Nun asks rapist what to tell mother superior about being raped twice.

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3.5.1.0.15 Young, shy woman asks doctor to turn off lights while she undresses.

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3.5.1.0.16 Would you rather be marble or egg?

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3.5.1.0.17 Husband throws half naked wife in with gorilla and tells her to tell gorilla she has headache.

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3.5.1.0.18 Man gets ten extra years of sex life each from monkey, lion and donkey.

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3.5.1.0.19 Boy asks father where he came from and father says stork brought him.

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3.5.1.0.20 New teacher asks students to tell story relating to sex.

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3.5.1.0.21 Potash worker keeps socks on while with prostitute so will not get athlete’s foot.

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3.5.1.0.22 Secretary tells boss that garage door is open.

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3.5.1.0.23 Four letter word for intercourse.

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3.5.1.0.24 What virgins eat for breakfast.

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3.5.1.0.25 Nuns have to answer question to get into heaven; what is first thing Eve said to Adam?

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3.5.1.0.26 How girls and storm door are alike.

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3.5.1.0.27 Why Smokey the Bear never had children.

.1

3.5.1.0.28 Have you smelled moth balls?

.1

3.5.2. Bodily Functions

3.5.2.1 Game warden can tell difference between Canadian and Minnesota ducks by sticking finger up rear

and smelling it. (Oly & Ollie) (Folder 10)

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3.5.2.2 Confusion when woman asks about the water closet and priest gives reply concerning Wesleyan Church.

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3.5.2.3 Toilet plays songs; woman stands up when one plays the “Star Spangled Banner.”

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3.5.2.4 What is inside and outside of fire hydrant?

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3.5.2.5 Preachers do not know their [bum] from a hole in ground.

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3.5.2.6 Indian woman fills husband's glass with urine.

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3.5.2.7 Father makes mute son make noise by grabbing groin.

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3.5.2.8 Girl gets tattoo of Johnny Cash on one leg and Waylon Jennings on other. When asks someone

in bar if he recognizes them, he says one in middle looks like Willie Nelson.

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3.5.0.1 Three types of bras. (Folder 11)

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3.5.0.2 Little boy asks mother if there are girl and boy fleas. When mother says there are not, he smashes

hands together and says, “Queers!”

.1-.2

3.5.0.3 Musicians get instruments shoved up rears for playing poorly. (Sven & Ollie)

.1

3.6. Political Jokes and Anecdotes

3.6.1. Personalities

3.6.1.1. Spiro Agnew

3.6.1.1.1 Secret Service men to shoot Agnew if anything should happen to Nixon. (Folder 12)

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3.6.1.2. James Brady

3.6.1.2.1 Brady says has half mind to go back to work; someone tells him he must have hole in head.

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3.6.1.2.2 Reagan’s favorite vegetable.

.1-.2

3.6.1.3. Bulganin

3.6.1.3.1 Swiss tailor has extra material from suit because Bulganin is bigger man to Russia than to Switzerland.

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3.6.1.4. Jimmy Carter

3.6.1.4.1 Carter pulls up peanut plan; tells father he can not tell lie.

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3.6.1.4.2 Americans eat peanut butter for Thanksgiving because their favorite turkey is in Washington.

.1-.5

3.6.1.4.3 Who has two biggest boobs in country?

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3.6.1.4.4 Carter develops new car that runs on peanut butter.

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3.6.1.4.5 What Edward Kennedy has that Jimmy Carter wants.

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3.6.1.4.6 Pilot tells Carter to jump from plane and make whole country happy.

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3.6.1.5. Lyndon Johnson

3.6.1.5.1 Pilot tells Johnson to jump from plane and make whole country happy.

.1-.2

3.6.1.6. Kennedy’s

3.6.1.6.1 Kennedy would be running for president if he had been driving a Volkswagen.

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3.6.1.6.2 Man tries to find Kennedy watch that is waterproof; has nine hours missing.

.1-.2

3.6.1.6.3 Kennedy to join Nixon’s new law firm.

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3.6.1.6.4 Mary Joe asks Kennedy what he would say if she were pregnant.

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3.6.1.7. Henry Kissinger

3.6.1.7.1 World’s most intelligent man jumps out of plane with backpack instead of parachute.

.1-.2

3.6.1.8. Richard Nixon

3.6.1.8.1 Nixon, while talking to spirits of former presidents, is told to go to theater by Lincoln.

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3.6.1.8.2 Add three lines to make name of famous criminal.

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3.6.1.9. Ronald Reagan

3.6.1.9.1 What White House and McDonald’s have in common.

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3.6.1.10. Anwar Sadat

3.6.1.10.1 Stamps with Sadat’s picture on them do not work because people spit on them instead of lick them.

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3.6.1.11. Mayor Stokes

3.6.1.11.1 Stokes wins election 5 to 2 with only three people voting.

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3.6.1.12. Pierre Trudeau

3.6.1.12.1 Margaret Trudeau gets pregnant.

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3.6.1.12.2 Girl gets pregnant, but it ain’t Tru-deau.

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3.6.1.13. George Wallace

3.6.1.13.1 Wallace considered running for President; he did not have a leg to stand on.

.1

3.6.1.14. James Watt

3.6.1.14.1 Energy needed to destroy national forest.

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3.6.2. Events

3.6.2.1. Watergate

3.6.2.1.1 Where there is a mill house, there has to be water gate. (Folder 13)

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3.6.2.1.2 Watergate deodorant transfers smell to something else.

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3.6.2.0. Miscellaneous

3.6.2.0.1 Man with transplanted jackass brain is running for president.

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3.7. Cruel and Sick Jokes

3.7.1. Murder/Suicide of Relative or Friend

3.7.1.1 5,000 Hari-Krishnas commit suicide to keep up with Jones. (Folder 14)

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3.7.1.2 Why moron jumped off Empire State Building.

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3.7.1.3 Red, jelly-like and sits in corner in plastic bag.

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3.7.2. Mutilation

3.7.2.1 Red, bubbles and bangs on glass. (Folder 15)

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3.7.2.2 What is brown and goes round and round.

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3.7.2.3 “Mommy, mommy! Daddy’s on fire!”

.1-.3

3.7.2.4 “Mommy, why does baby sister have a soft spot on the back of her head?”

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3.7.2.5 What is red and sits in corner?

.1-.4

3.7.2.6 What is grosser than kissing your grandmother on lips?

.1-.2

3.7.2.7 What is grosser than nailing baby to wall?

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3.7.2.8 What is red and white and flies around room?

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3.7.2.9 What is black, white and red all over?

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3.7.2.10 What is red, blue and flies?

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3.7.2.11 What is blue and sits in corner?

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3.7.3. Cannibalism

3.7.3.1 How to make a dead baby float. (Folder 16)

.1-.2

3.7.3.2 “Mommy, mommy, I don’t like tomato soup.”

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3.7.3.3 “Mommy, mommy, I hate Tommy’s guts.”

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3.7.3.4 “Mommy, mommy, I don’t like this stuff.”

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3.7.3.5 Wrestler who had been fasting eats part of arm.

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3.7.4. Corpses

3.7.4.1 “Mommy, mommy, can I go to play with grandmother?” (Folder 17)

.1-.3

3.7.4.2 What is green and sits in corner?

.1

3.7.4.3 What is red and hangs near wall?

.1-.2

3.7.4.4 Dead babies easier to load because you can use pitchfork.

.1-.9

3.7.4.5 “Mommy, mommy, why is daddy so white?”

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3.7.4.6 Man kisses woman who has been dead for two years; gets maggots in mouth.

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3.7.5. Beasts

3.7.5.1 “Mommy, mommy, what is a vampire?” (Folder 18)

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3.7.6. Excrement

3.7.6.1 Hair-lip boy takes box with [expletive] in it to department store in order to get some toilet paper.

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3.7.6.2 “Mommy, mommy, quick, give me a fork.”

.1-.2

3.7.7. Indifference to Young

3.7.7.1 “Mommy, mommy, why do I keep going around in circles?” (Nail foot to floor) (Folder 19)

.1-.4

3.7.7.2 “Mommy, mommy, I keep going in circles.” (Flush you)

.1-.3

3.7.7.3 “Mommy, mommy, I don’t want to go to Europe.”

.1-.2

3.7.7.4 Boy could not play in sand box because cat would cover him up.

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3.7.7.5 So ugly that she had to tie bone around neck so dog would play with her.

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3.7.7.6 Hotel room turned into child care center.

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3.7.7.7 “Mommy, mommy, can I lick the bowl?”

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3.7.7.8 “Mommy, mommy, my pigtail’s too tight.”

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3.7.7.9 “Mommy, mommy, can I have another spoon?”

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3.7.7.10 “Mommy, mommy, tell the bus driver to open the door.”

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3.7.7.11 Why baby crossed road.

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3.7.8. Affliction or Disease

3.7.8.1 Why leper left party. (Folder 20)

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3.7.8.2 How Helen Keller’s parents punished her.

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3.7.8.3 How Helen Keller burned her hands.

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3.7.8.4 Hair-lip boy can not make pet shop owner understand that he needs bird seed, so pet bird dies.

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3.7.8.5 Helen Keller doll runs into walls when wound up.

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3.7.8.6 Man with wooden eye gets to dance and asks girl with hair-lip to dance.

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3.7.8.7 Boy with deformed hand prays that both hands will be same, so the other hand becomes deformed.

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3.7.8.8 Dick thinks Spot is drag because has no legs.

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3.7.8.9 Kids want to use boy with no arms or legs as football.

.1

3.7.8.10 Kids want to use boy with no arms or legs as third base.

.1-.3

3.7.8.11 Kids want to see boy with no arms or legs flip-flop on hot cement.

.1

3.7.9.12 Kids want to watch boy with leprosy rot.

.1-.2

3.7.0. Miscellaneous

3.7.0.1 Farmer named Norton working on Sundays hears a hair-kip bull call, “Nort, Nort.” (Folder 21)

.1-.2

3.7.0.2 Boy named Mark was walking through cemetery and heard hair-lip dog go, “Mark, Mark.”

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Box 5

3.8. Word Plays and Puns

3.8.1. Shaggy Dog Stories

3.8.1.1 Opperknockity only tunes once. (Folder 1)

.1-.4

3.8.1.2 People who live in grass houses should not store thrones.

.1-.3

3.8.1.3 Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids.

.1-.5

3.8.1.4 Let pages do the walking through yellow fingers.

.1-.4

3.8.1.5 If the foo shits, wear it.

.1-.3

3.8.1.6 A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

.1-.2

3.8.1.7 First time anyone heard of a chicken catch a tory.

.1

3.8.1.8 First time I’ve seen carp to carp dwelling.

.1-.2

3.8.1.9 Don’t hatchet your counts before they chicken.

.1

3.8.1.10 Never try to transport gull passed state lions.

.1

3.8.1.11 A weigh-a-day keeps the doctor an apple.

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3.8.1.12 Confucius say, “Many hands make light work.”

.1

3.8.1.13 You shouldn’t put all your Basques in one exit.

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3.8.1.14 I have a four loaf cleaver.

.1

3.8.1.15 First white man to wire ahead for a reservation.

.1-.2

3.8.1.16 First herd shot around the world.

.1

3.8.1.17 The furry with the syringe on top.

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3.8.1.18 The beer that made Mel Famey walk us.

.1-.3

3.8.1.19 A niche in time saves Stein.

.1

3.8.1.20 A bowling Cohen lathers no boss.

.1

3.8.1.21 If you are full of bologna, keep your mouth shut.

.1

3.8.1.22 If you’re full of [crap], don’t fly off the handle.

.1

3.8.1.23 The early word catches the germ.

.1

3.8.1.24 Hare today, goon tomorrow.

.1-.2

3.8.1.25 The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two sides.

.1

3.8.1.26 The heartbreak of Sariah-sis. (Folder 2)

.1

3.8.1.27 The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak.

.1-.2

3.8.1.28 You look like Helen Brown.

.1

3.8.1.29 Watch for Falling Rock.

.1-.17

3.8.1.30 Man who slew the dragon ran off with the king because it’s a fair story.

.1

3.8.1.31 Retailing pussy in the streets.

.1-.2

3.8.1.32 It’s not so easy to fool little girls nowadays as it used to be.

.1

3.8.1.33 The tis bottle.

.1

3.8.1.34 Mourners can view the left-overs.

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3.8.1.35 Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that ate your new shoes.

.1

3.8.1.36 I left my harp in Sam Frank’s Disco.

.1

3.8.1.37 The boat tipped over a guess who died, do da, do da.

.1

3.8.1.38 No west for the reary.

.1

3.8.1.39 Repaint, ye thinners.

.1

3.8.1.40 The hills are alive with the sound of music.

.1

3.8.1.41 There goes the barefoot boy with the teaks of Chan.

.1

3.8.1.42 The Moron Tab and Apple Choir.

.1

3.8.1.43 Better Nate than lever.

.1

3.8.1.44 Squaw buried Shortcake.

.1

3.8.1.45 The reign was called on account of the game.

.1

3.8.1.46 Swallowed them all - hawk, lion and stinker.

.1

3.8.1.47 The worst case of van areal disease ever seen.

.1

3.8.1.48 Have you ever seen a moth bawl?

.1

3.8.1.49 Arty chokes, three for a dollar.

.1-.2

3.8.1.50 When you’re out of slits, you’re out of pier.

.1-.2

3.8.1.51 The first obscene clone fall.

.1-.2

3.8.1.52 I was reaped.

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3.8.1.53 The heartbreak of Sir Ryusis.

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3.8.0. Miscellaneous

3.8.0.1 Where’s the “P?” (Folder 3)

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3.8.0.2 Potato princess can not marry a newsman because he is just commentator.

.1-.2

3.8.0.3 When asked how her date went, an Italian girl answers, “Me a mama.”

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3.8.0.4 Her neck is dirty.

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3.8.0.5 Frog asks bird that ate him if he’s [messing on] him.

.1-.2

3.8.0.6 Stupid man does not care if cows heard him.

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3.8.0.7 Story using brand name of cigarettes.

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3.8.0.8 Beethoven is decomposing.

.1-.3

3.8.0.9 Have you ever blown tennis shoe at a hundred and ten.

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3.8.0.10 Found my door shut wide open.

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3.8.0.11 May be [crap], but it’s my bread and butter.

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3.8.0.12 Hard to make both ends meet.

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3.8.0.13 Diarrhea runs through your genes.

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3.8.0.14 Tell boy chromosomes from a girl by pulling down their genes.

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3.8.0.15 Baby is not hurt because it is hit with lite beer.

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3.8.0.16 Black and white and read all over.

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3.8.0.17 One bright day in the middle of the night.

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3.8.0.18 Baby bigger is a little bigger.

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3.8.0.19 Man who lost his left side.

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3.8.0.20 Cross an elephant with rhino.

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3.8.0.21 Wok is something you frow at wibbit.

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3.8.0.22 Germany got hungry, ate turkey fried in grease.

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3.8.0.23 Baby born with “bear” feet.

.1-.2

3.8.0.24 How to catch a unique bunny.

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3.8.0.25 Tattoo’s favorite kind of M&M’s.

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3.8.0.26 What one eye said to the other.

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3.8.0.27 Why the little moron did not fall off Empire State Building.

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3.8.0.28 What Moses was doing at Red Sea.

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3.8.0.29 Why flowers are lazy.

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3.8.0.30 Man who fell into lens-grinding machine.

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3.9. Numbskull Tales

3.9.1 “For a fat girl, you sure don’t sweat much.” (Folder 4)

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3.9.2 Man gets drunk instead of buying flour, so he walks back to two to get flour.

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3.9.3 Man who was to be eaten by cannibals peed in their soup.

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3.9.4 Man uses hotshot to herd steers; gets kicked in face.

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3.9.5 Boss of ditch digger tells ditch digger to hit his hand before he moves it.

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3.9.6 Mental institute inmate tells another to get some toilet paper when seagull messes on him.

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3.9.7 People want lady to commit grandson to asylum because he was fishing in bathtub.

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3.9.8 Boy who is necking with girl lowers voice when she tells him lower.

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3.9.9 Sign in Yellowstone says, “Approaching Lake Area,” so a tourist will not believe it is Yellowstone Lake.

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3.9.10 Boys wonder what “lbs.” are while unloading supplies.

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3.9.11 Hunters pull deer by legs; then pull it by antlers because it is easier, but truck gets farther away.

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3.9.12 Farmer measures horses so can tell them apart; finds that black horse is one hand taller than white horses.

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3.9.13 Farmer can not get logs through city gate; they finally decide to turn them lengthwise.

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3.9.14 Silly Sally knew that flower could not excrete all that manure.

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3.9.15 Silly Sally laughed when boy took off her clothes because she knew they would not fit him.

.1-.3

3.9.16 Silly Sally laughed when boy put his hand down her shirt because she knew her money was not there.

.1-.2

3.9.17 Nancy Naive laughed when doctor told her she was having twins because she knew she had only done it once.

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3.9.18 Drunk keeps running into telephone pole and thinks he is lost in impenetrable forest.

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3.9.19 Dot on contact lenses case so blind people know which contact goes in which eye.

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3.9.20 Similarity between plum and elephant.

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3.9.21 Frog without legs is deaf.

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3.9.22 Why man jumped off cliff.

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3.9.23 Moron tells psychiatrist what picture of three trees is.

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3.9.24 Suit does not fit so tailor tells man to bend his knees and slant shoulders.

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3.9.25 If seagulls knew they were Maughans, they would crap on them.

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3.9.26 Boy eats family and gets bigger and bigger until he burps.

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3.9.27 Best was to call monster.

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3.9.28 Man finds wrapping paper in drawer after they hear rapping in their new house.

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3.9.29 The ghost with one black eye.

.1-.4

3.9.30 Norwegians check to see if blinkers are working. (Folder 5)

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3.9.31 Eat that joke because it was corny.

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3.9.32 Lady asks doctor for second opinion; so he says she is ugly too.

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3.9.33 What duck and bicycle have in common.

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3.9.34 How to divide twelve apples evenly among thirteen men.

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3.9.35 Why one man who falls into lake does not get hair wet.

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3.9.36 What turkeys can do that nobody else can.

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3.9.37 Where Christmas comes before Thanksgiving.

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3.9.38 One out of every three kids is born Chinese.

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3.9.39 Man driving Honda gets his suspenders caught in door of Corvette.

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3.9.40 Man in New York gets run over every five minutes.

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3.9.41 Seniors can go any damn place they please.

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3.9.42 If Pete fell off fence, Repeat was left.

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3.9.43 Why man cut hole in umbrella.

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3.9.44 Man who kept both feet on ground had hard time getting his pants on.

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3.9.45 Boy trying to sneak past farmer says he is cat when he makes loud noise.

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3.9.46 Man driving wrong way on one way street did not see Indians.

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3.9.47 Voice in cave says, “You need a shave.”

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3.9.48 “I got you where I want you, now I’m going to eat you.”

.1-.2

3.9.49 “When the log rolls over, we will drown.”

.1

3.9.50 Man asks if Bloody Finger wants a Band-Aid.

.1-.2

3.10. Animal Jokes and Anecdotes

3.10.1 Parrot keeps saying “Who is it?” when the plumber comes to the door. (Folder 6)

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3.10.2 Snake eats wide mouthed frog.

.1-.3

3.10.3 Bear blesses food before he eats hunter.

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3.10.4 “That’s the third queer rooster I’ve shot this week.”

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3.10.5 All baby mole can smell is molasses when he can not get out of hole.

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3.10.6 Bull says wants to stay in pasture for heifer and heifer.

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3.10.7 What is black, white and red all over?

.1-.2

3.10.8 What is red and white on the outside and gray and white on the inside?

.1-.2

3.10.9 Why elephants have short tails.

.1

3.10.10 Why elephants have round feet.

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3.10.11 Why elephant married ant.

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3.10.12 How to lift elephant.

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3.10.13 What elephants do from two to four in afternoon.

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3.10.14 Why pygmies are short.

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3.10.15 Why elephants wear sneakers.

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3.10.16 How to know when elephant is in house.

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3.10.17 Elephant who had diarrhea.

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3.10.18 Why crows are black.

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3.10.19 Hunting dog sees two birds screwing around in bushes.

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3.10.20 How to catch polar bear.

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3.10.21 What to call seagull that will not eat grasshoppers.

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3.10.22 Why cows have bells around necks.

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3.10.23 What a 500 pound canary says.

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3.10.24 How many lions to fill empty cage.

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3.10.25 Bartender tells grasshopper they have a drink named after him.

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3.10.26 What to call female elephant hitch-hiker.

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3.10.27 Five things that have milk in them.

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3.10.28 What bird is after it is four days old.

.1-.2

3.10.29 Why elephants paint their toenails different colors.

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3.10.30 Lady feeds her frozen cat gasoline.

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3.10.31 Fifth pig goes into bar; does not use restroom because he is the pig that goes wee, wee, wee all the way home.

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3.10.32 Why chicken crossed the road.

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3.10.33 Why elephants wear tennies.

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3.10.34 Difference between chicken and elephant.

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3.10.35 What to do when gorilla knocks on door.

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3.10.36 What chicken said when it laid square egg.

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3.10.37 Why chicken lays egg.

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3.10.38 Absent-minded cow gives milk of amnesia.

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3.10.39 Why dog is like tree.

.1

3.11. Dialect Jokes

3.11.1 Portagee threw the wrong butt out the window. (Folder 7)

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3.11.2 Man is called Danish s of a b.

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3.11.3 War’d ya git such a gargeous arrange farmal. (Southern Utah)

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3.11.4 Aye, a’ ae oo.

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3.11.5 Teacher asks student to spell “orse.”

.1

3.11.6 German needs car name from Japanese man quickly; Japanese asks “Dat soon?”

.1

3.11.7 “I’m the viper, and I’m coming this afternoon.”

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3.12. Joke Fads

3.12.1. Knock, Knock (Folder 8)

3.12.1.1 “Banana who” and “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”

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3.12.1.2 “Car go beep, beep, run over Easter Bunny.”

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3.12.1.3 “You’ve forgotten me already.”

.1-.2

3.12.1.4 “Dwain the tub, I’m drowning.”

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3.12.1.5 Wrong person starts joke.

.1-.3

3.12.0. Miscellaneous

3.12.0.1 “Asks me if I’m an alligator.”

.1

3.12.0.2 Termite eats Noah’s ark and says, “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing.”

.1-.2

3.13. Didactic Anecdotes

3.13.1 Lazy bum will not eat corn because it is not shucked. (Folder 9)

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3.13.2 Little Burned Face poetically describes chief and is therefore chosen to be bride.

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3.13.3 Girl chosen as wife because she does not waste any cheese.

.1-.5

3.13.4 Homely girl moves broom instead of stepping over it; therefore chosen prince’s wife.

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3.13.5 Little boy let air out of truck’s tires so it can go under bridge.

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3.13.6 Lady makes sign that says “Pisen Spring” to advertise pies; travelers think it means poison springs.

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3.13.7 Man convinces himself that attendant will ask $150 as deposit; he does not use jack he needs.

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3.13.8 Young girl fantasizes about marriage; spills milk that will make dreams come true.

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3.13.9 Boy breaks younger brother’s kite; racked with guilt even though his brother told him to forget about it.

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3.13.10 Man shuns younger brother for friends; friends will not help him when his wife purposely gets him in trouble.

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3.13.11 Lady buys new clothes for dirty boy; tells him to bathe and boy becomes popular.

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3.13.12 Little boy steals pencil; lead to more serious crimes until finally murders man.

.1

3.13.13 Father gets very angry at liquor retailers when daughter is killed in automobile accident; finds out that daughter

had taken his own liquor.

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3.13.14 Marine confronts dying old man by pretending to be son, even though he really was not.

.1

3.13.15 Father asks sons to break bundle of sticks. First tries to break whole bundle and fails. Second breaks sticks separately.

.1

3.13.16 Sheepherder cries “wolf” twice when there were no wolves; when wolves did come, the people would not help him.

.1

3.13.17 Farmer spends all money buying big car that breaks down; other farmer spends just little money on smaller,

more reliable car.

.1

3.13.18 Silver bells, which only ring when gift given with pure heart place on alter; ring when small girl places silver coin on alter.

.1

3.0. Miscellaneous

3.0.1 Small dirty Neanderthal man lift up arm; able to drag off good looking woman. (Folder 10)

.1

3.0.2 Prisoners shout out numbers instead of repeating jokes.

.1

3.0.3 Man picks up hitch-hiker who says she is witch.

.1

3.0.4 Old lady says, “Come in,” after knocking on some wood.

.1

3.0.5 Boy working in store used clever comebacks to stay out of trouble.

.1

3.0.6 “I left my cigarettes at the bar.”

.1

3.0.7 What has red nose and lives in test tube?

.1

3.0.8 “My parents were so poor they couldn’t afford to have me, so the neighbors did.”

.1

3.0.9 Recipe for elephant stew.

.1

3.0.10 Recipe for stuffing.

.1

3.0.11 City ordinance in Sugar City that you can not spit in Rexburg.

.1

3.0.12 How to lose ten pounds of ugly fat.

.1

3.0.13 Where trucks would meet.

.1

3.0.14 What King Kong uses for roll-on deodorant.

.1

3.0.15 Cross LSD with birth control pills.

.1

Box 6

4. Formula Tales

4.1. Rounds

4.1.1 Antonio rose and told the following tale... (Folder 1)

.1-.3

4.1.2 Said Brigham Young to Brigham Old, “Twas a dark and stormy night...”

.1

4.1.3 Captain, tell us a story...

.1-.2

4.1.4 A soldier rode up to Jack and said, “Tell us a story Jack....”

.1-.2

4.1.5 Shorty said to Tally, “Will you please read me a story...”

.1

4.1.6 Scout master suggested telling ghost stories and asked Jack to tell some.

.1

4.1.7 Some Indians were sitting around their campfire when chief rose and said...

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4.1.8 Twelve men were huddled around campfire when leader turned to one and said, “Jones, tell us a story...”

.1

4.2. Catch Tales

4.2.1 Patience, jackass, patience. (Folder 2)

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4.2.2 1q, 2q, 3q, 4q, 5q...

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4.2.3 Brick layer has one extra brick and throws it away. Poodle that was thrown out of train is found with brick in mouth.

.1-.2

4.2.4 Pea Green Soup.

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4.2.5 What’s up doc?

.1

4.2.6 What do you call little box in front of car?

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4.2.7 Drunken worker is about to stab boss when boss dives for crack in tent and wakes up.

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4.2.8 Man travels all around world looking for Siberian Peach Pie. When finally finds some, he orders another kind of pie.

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4.2.9 Four kids go to scary house; one dies of shock. Two weeks later, one gets burned to death after receiving letter of warning. Two weeks after that, one gets stabbed after receiving letter of warning. Two weeks later, last receives letter to beware of dark.

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4.2.10 Camper gets pulled back by leg.

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4.2.11 Woman pulls girl’s leg after she says girl looks like her daughter who died three years earlier.

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4.2.12 Father of crippled girl pulls boy’s leg to get him to take out his daughter.

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4.2.13 Boy steals lady’s packages after she eats his meal. Packages are filled with bunch of bull.

.1-.2

4.2.14 Girl steals lady’s package after lady steals her tickets to movie. Pack filled with bull.

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4.2.15 Man takes wife’s golden arm from grave; wife then appears to him demanding arm.

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4.2.16 Little boys dress as ghosts and scare people when they take dime from house.

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4.2.17 Lady tells boy in store that he looks exactly like son who had died. Lady then said boy would pay for her groceries;

he caught her and pulled her leg.

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4.2.18 Doctor slept in attic of couple’s house. During night, doctor woke up and found man standing over him with knife;

man cut down ham.

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4.2.19 “Shut up [butt], I know what I’m doing!”

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4.2.20 Man drops watch in lake and big fish swallows it. Later catches big fish and finds fish guts inside.

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4.2.21 Boy dropped coin in lake. Several years later, he caught fish and while cleaning it, struck something hard.

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4.2.22 “I want my liver.”

.1

4.2.23 Person has invisible little brother in their pocket and asks someone to hold his coat while he does tricks.

.1

4.3. Unfinished Tales

4.3.1 Penguin is able to swim in cold water because he says, “Radio, radio...” under his breath. (Folder 3)

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4.3.2 Man kills wife when she asks him why he keeps black alligator in white pool and white alligator in black pool.

.1

4.3.3 Boy asks for green golf balls when he advances from grade to grade in school.

.1

4.3.4 Tin is bended and now my story’s ended.

.1-.3

4.0. Miscellaneous

4.0.1 Man is kidnapped by gypsies while on his way to nail store.

.1

5. Tall Tales

5.1. Tales Having to Do with Animals

5.1.1. Hunting Tales

5.1.1.1 Hunter kills bear so big that it’s head was in Arkansas and it’s tail was in Gulf of Mexico. (Folder 4)

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5.1.1.2 Man catches twelve turkeys and kills two foxes, twelve geese, twelve ducks, and rabbit when his gun explodes.

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5.1.1.3 Man shoots five deer which were standing in line.

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5.1.1.4 Deer rubs itself against tree until there is nothing left but neck and head.

.1-.2

5.1.1.5 Man kills wounded elk by lassoing it and winding it around tree and then slitting it’s throat.

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5.1.1.6 Man shoots deer with cherry stones as shot. The next year, he sees deer with cherry tree growing out of head.

.1-.2

5.1.1.7 Man kills buffalo and then crawls inside carcass to keep warm during snowstorm.

.1-.2

5.1.1.8 Man can not decide which turkey to shoot so he aims between them; bullet splits and kills both of them.

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5.1.1.9 Man was such good shot that he salted his bullet so meat would not spoil before he got to it.

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5.1.1.10 Man outruns father while being chased by bear.

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5.1.1.11 Man slit deer’s throat while sliding on ice.

.1-.2

5.1.1.12 Man killed buffalo and got into carcass to stay warm; carcass froze and he could not get out.

Started thinking of all bad things he had done; felt so guilty and small that he could crawl out of carcass.

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5.1.1.13 Man cuts deer throat while riding on it’s back.

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5.1.1.14 [People] on opossum hunt run into bear; crippled old man runs so fast that beat dogs home.

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5.1.2. Fishing Tales

5.1.2.1 Man catches big fish after it had gotten away once. (Folder 5)

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5.1.2.2 Fish follows man everywhere he goes; fish falls in ditch and drowns.

.1-.2

5.1.2.3 Man catches fish using chicken for bait, hay hook for hook, and block and tackle as line.

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5.1.3. Wild Animals

5.1.3.1 Man plays violin to keep wolves from attacking him. (Folder 6)

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5.1.3.2 Man turns attacking bear inside out.

.1-.3

5.1.3.3 Hillside Galoots are animals that have two legs that are shorter so they can stand straight on hills.

.1-.4

5.1.3.4 Man disguises wolf trap by pouring urine from female dog in heat on it.

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5.1.3.5 Man milks bear in dark instead of cow.

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5.1.3.6 Man who lost horse, roped bear and rode it into town.

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5.1.3.7 Two old hunters lure bears into cabin so young man can skin bears.

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5.1.3.8 Man catches rattlesnakes with bare hands.

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5.1.3.9 Man who is surrounded gets away by turning mountain lion inside out and then throwing it at bear and tiger;

knocking them into river where alligator eats them.

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5.1.3.10 Mosquitoes drain blood from two sheep.

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5.1.3.11 Mosquitoes are so thick that smoke from fire can not rise.

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5.1.3.12 Mosquitoes puncture spare tire of car.

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5.1.3.13 Mosquitoes’ stingers so long they went through side of water tank.

.1

5.1.3.14 Mosquitoes carry off wagon and several sheep.

.1

5.1.3.15 Two mosquitoes say they had better eat person there; so big one would not get the person.

.1-.4

5.1.3.16 Tarantula as big as steering wheel crawled across road.

.1

5.1.3.17 Rattlesnake bites drunken man and dies because of alcohol.

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5.1.3.18 Man takes grasshopper from rattlesnake; gives whiskey as trade.

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5.1.3.19 Mosquitoes are so big they have landing strip and air show.

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5.1.3.20 Bear tries to shake ranger out of tree; when ranger does not fall, bear gets beaver.

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5.1.3.21 Kanackity cat is cross between cat and skunk.

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5.1.3.22 Man being chased in circles around stump by bear cuts the bear off piece by piece and feeds it to itself.

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5.1.3.23 Trapper kills wolf that is so big that when slung over a horse, tail drags on one side and nose on other side.

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5.1.3.24 Man escapes wolves by throwing meat to them while running away.

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5.1.3.25 Men see catfish size of small truck.

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5.1.4. Domestic Animals

5.1.4.1 Hunting dog able to smell bear hairs, flush out Bob White birds, and cries when hunter misses. (Folder 7)

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5.1.4.2 Dog went into pocket but could not be found. Next spring, hunter found skeleton of dog still in point.

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5.1.4.3 Coon dog so smart it would find coon to fit stretching board.

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5.1.4.4 Man yells “Whoa!” while Indians are eating his reliable horse; horse stopped and choked Indians.

.1-.2

5.1.4.5 Man yells “Whoa!” just before he and horse hit ground; horse stops mid-air.

.1-.4

5.1.4.6 Wise old horse goes to blacksmith when it’s horseshoes are too tight.

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5.1.4.7 Two cats tied together by tails; hung over clothes line. In morning, there is nothing left but knot in tails.

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5.1.4.8 Horses freeze to death when corn in field pops because of heat.

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5.2. Remarkable Person

5.2.1 Boy will not go to town with friends because he will not wash his hands and face. (Folder 8)

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5.2.2 Friends of student who drinks a lot put intestines of cadaver in toilet to get student to stop drinking.

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5.2.3. Man dug so many post holes in one day that it took three days to walk home.

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5.2.4 Man hangs upside down in hayloft for three weeks.

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5.2.5 Man cuts hundred acre field in four days.

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5.2.6 Man can carry two salt barrels that usually take two men to lift one barrel.

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5.2.7 Man rode into camp on bear with rattlesnake as whip and had mountain lion on shoulder.

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5.2.8 Man jumps, does flip, touches ceiling, does another flip and then lands on feet.

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5.2.9 Man throws a jake staff out of rolling truck and kills elk with it.

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5.2.10 Man outruns Indians on horseback.

.1

5.2.11 Man out-drove storm but back of wagon filled with snow.

.1

5.2.12 Man turns down ride in car because he is in hurry.

.1

5.2.13 Boy outruns snake and leaves shape of boy in screen door.

.1

5.2.14 Old people were quick-frozen to save food in winter.

.1

5.2.15 Man tells another man time twenty years after second man had asked him.

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5.2.16 Man crossed milkweed with strawberries to provide strawberries and cream from vine.

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5.2.17 Man figures exactly how many nails are required to build home.

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5.2.18 “I don’t know the man in the robes, but the man next to him is so and so.”

.1-.2

5.2.19 Man who never gets nervous, gets in saddle backwards when dam breaks.

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5.2.20 Man bakes biscuits with sand in them so he will not have to cook anymore.

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5.2.21 Man fights dog while he’s buried up to waist; bites dog’s nose to win.

.1

5.2.22 Railroad camp is so bad that dead men were eaten for breakfast.

.1

5.2.23 One Siamese twin has heart attack but other dies from it.

.1

5.3. Plants, Fruits and Vegetables

5.3.1 Trees twisted because chipmunk ran around branches of it while owl sat on top looking for chipmunk. (Folder 9)

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5.3.2 Trees twisted because ratchet worm would twist top of tree.

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5.4. Geography and Topography

5.4.1 Mountains echo so much that girl yelled at night and it came back just in time to wake her up in morning. (Folder 10)

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5.4.2 Land so flat that can see forty miles when standing on sardine can.

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5.4.3 Texas corn so big that twenty-nine crows can stand on one ear.

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5.4.4 Swimming pool shaped like footprint made by Paul Bunyan.

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5.4.5 Water so hard that magnet is used to draw it to surface.

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5.4.6 Water drains clockwise north of equator and counter clockwise south of it.

.1

5.5. Weather and Climate

5.5.1 Steer blown against fence so long that starved to death. (Folder 11)

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5.5.2 Valley so cold that railroad tracks huddle together to stay warm.

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5.5.3 North wind hits suddenly and freezes water mid-air.

.1

5.5.4 So cold mercury in thermometer broke through bottom and ran six inches down broom handle.

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5.5.5 Snow so deep that people have to crawl down chimneys.

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5.5.6 Freeze comes so fast that herds of cattle would freeze and then thaw in Spring.

.1

5.5.7 Wind drives piece of straw through fence post.

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5.5.8 When wind stopped blowing, telephone pole fell over.

.1

5.5.9 Snow so deep that you could walk over fences.

.1

5.5.10 All four seasons can be seen in one hour.

.1

5.5.11 So hot that dog was chasing coyote and both were walking.

.1

5.5.12 Wind and dust so thick that gophers were burrowing fifteen feet in air.

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5.5.13 Wind blew so hard that fence in Alberta was blown mile into Saskatchewan.

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5.5.14 Farmers plow using sharp-shod horses so they will not slip on ice in Spring.

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5.5.15 Man ties horse to pole in winter; chinook came and melted snow and man found horse tied to steeple.

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5.5.16 Horse have to run to keep sleigh runners on snow during chinook winds.

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5.5.17 Man flung saddle across post in winter; chinook melted snow and saddle was on top of telephone pole.

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5.5.18 Man took wife to doctor when reins frozen. When got to town, ground was dry and when they got home dog died of thirst.

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5.5.19 People were lying on ground because wind had stopped blowing.

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5.5.20 Farmers’ only crop is rocks and they have to set traps to catch them.

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5.5.21 Got so hot that corn in field popped and mule froze to death.

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5.5.22 Bale of hay freezes in mid-air and comes down three months later.

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5.5.23 Fence riders find cowboy buried to hat by sand storm with horse underneath him.

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5.5.24 One winter it snowed seventy feet and froze all buffalo.

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5.6. Absurd Logic or Lack of Logic

5.6.1 Harness that is wet stretches but dries next day and pulls wagon in two. (Folder 12)

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5.6.2 Boy without navel given one by using Phillip’s screw driver.

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5.6.3 Man makes hot chili, takes crap and year later find coyotes still warming hands over it.

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5.6.4 Skin of deer shot in light of moon and keeps stretching; skin of deer shot in dark keeps shrinking.

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5.6.5 Train keeps backing up because it is afraid of ladies’ umbrellas.

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5.6.6 Bourbon, blond and barefoot boy.

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5.6.7 Airplanes dump green paint over submarines so periscopes will not work. As result, submarines go higher

until they can be shot out of air.

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5.6.8 Hodja says that neighbor’s pan had died so he could not return it.

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5.6.9 Boy keeps adding water to pot of rice until whole camp is filled with it.

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5.6.10 Man tries to read newspaper to cover up illiteracy but it is upside down.

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5.6.11 Lady grabs boy in store thinking it is her son who had died earlier. Boy ends up buying groceries.

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5.6.12 Man leaning on shovel will hit the dog that peed on him because he didn’t have another shovel.

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5.6.13 Man turned cows upside down to milk them so he could get cream.

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5.6.14 Tourist will not believe that cat is knocking down boulder to prevent avalanche.

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5.6.15 Carpenter hits thumb again to teach it lesson for getting hit first time.

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5.6.16 Lady signed all of checks and then lost checkbook.

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5.0. Miscellaneous

5.0.1 Pregnant lady says she was not in condition when she got on slow moving train. (Folder 13)

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5.0.2 Young man loses engagement ring and then digs up mountain looking for it.

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5.0.3 Man removes body and gets in coffin to see how comfortable it is.

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5.0.4 Inexperienced nurse causes patient’s foot to become crippled because she gave wrong shot.

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